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   PastimesLaughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke

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To: Biotech Jim who wrote (50633)4/14/2014 1:54:09 AM
From: Ian@SI
   of 61634


Unless you want to give us your google email Id and password, you'll have to save the pictures on your PC then upload them to SI. When composing a response, the Image uploader is the ICON to the right of the YOUTUBE icon.

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To: Ian@SI who wrote (50634)4/14/2014 7:52:39 AM
From: Biotech Jim
1 Recommendation   of 61634
The joke pictures looked good in my SI preview box! Now that is a joke.

Here they are:

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To: Ian@SI who wrote (50634)4/14/2014 7:56:22 AM
From: Guardian
   of 61634
Not necessary. Just back up the last string on the URL that references mail:
http://w w w .a o l.c o m/article/2014/04/14/pistorius-breaks-down-on-stand-in-murder-trial/20868553/?ncid=webmail8

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To: Guardian who wrote (50636)4/14/2014 1:35:38 PM
From: Stephen O
1 Recommendation   of 61634
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."

With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?"

Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat.

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From: Aggie4/14/2014 7:24:36 PM
4 Recommendations   of 61634
Think you had a bad day?

Spare a moment of reflection for the businessman who told his wife he was going
on a business trip to China on that Malaysian Airlines Flight 370.... and
now he can't come out of his girlfriend's flat.....forever.

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To: Aggie who wrote (50638)4/14/2014 7:55:18 PM
From: Jeffrey S. Mitchell
7 Recommendations   of 61634

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To: Jeffrey S. Mitchell who wrote (50639)4/14/2014 9:26:20 PM
From: Mad2
6 Recommendations   of 61634
In Florida, an atheist created a case against Easter and Passover Holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Jews, and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, "Case dismissed!"
The lawyer immediately stood and objecting to the ruling saying,
"Your honor, How can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others.
The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays. . ."
The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do! Your client, counsellor, is woefully ignorant."
The lawyer said," Your Honour, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."
The judge said: "The calendar says April 1st is April Fool's Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore,
April 1st is his day.

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To: Aggie who wrote (50638)4/14/2014 9:27:40 PM
From: Mad2
3 Recommendations   of 61634
SMART ASS ANSWER #6 -- It was mealtime during a
flight on Hooters Airline. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant
asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,'
she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the departure
gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the
ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat
she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #4 -- A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
grocery store but she couldn't find one big
enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any
bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #3 -- The cop got out of his
car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've
been waiting for you all day,' the cop said. The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I
got here as fast as I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent
the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2 -- A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A
sign comes up that reads, 'Low Bridge overhead.'
Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under
the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.
The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on
his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh.' The truck
driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.'

teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't
tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a
nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your
immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass
guy in the back of the room raised
his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering
from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to
laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles
knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, 'Well, I guess
you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

Two bonus extras:
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She
says to the clerk, 'May I have 50 Christmas stamps?'
The clerk says, 'What denomination? ' The blonde says, 'God help us. Has it
come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,
fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
He never heard the shot.

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To: Mad2 who wrote (50641)4/16/2014 10:30:19 AM
From: unclewest
17 Recommendations   of 61634
Honda Ad - Brilliant!

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From: Gersh Avery4/16/2014 12:15:24 PM
   of 61634
Sigh .. wish it was on you tube ..

How to make a duck face:

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